AIB : Honest House Parties | Part 3


Hello? This is Secretary Buzzkill Tiwari. Yes sir, yes sir. A few moments ago, 2 girls had entered the society, who were they? They are Paranoid’s friends, he’s been having girls visiting him all evening. Okay, and, what kind of clothes are they wearing? Sir, The ones that they want to wear! Of their choice! And how many were showing their midriff? It’s tough to say sir, I was constantly maintaining eye contact with them. Okay, judging by their make up did any one look like a call girl? Pros? Like a pros? Sir, I don’t know, I haven’t ever slut shamed anyone before. What! Hey Buzzkill, leave these kids alone. Who are you? Oh? Have you forgotten, your youth? You! You stay out of this. Yes! Whatever is happening inside, , is incorrect, it’s wrong! It’s wrong… Have you forgotten, your college days? Ha ha ha! Whatever I did, I did for my future. For this future? Where you find music too loud, fashion, obscene and sex, a taboo? I didn’t bail on you, you uncled on me. Please, I will not take… Buzzkill! Don’t ring that bell. Ya? Bro, I’m close to, your place, but I can’t find your society. What can you see around you? I can see a throne, straight ahead, behind which, are two bouncers, a few handmaidens, some fountains, and nearby, I think Birbal is reciting some riddles. Dude! You’ve reached 1600 AD? You’ve gone a little too far behind. Do one thing, the throne straight ahead? take a left from there, and drive at the speed of light. Got it bro, see you in five minutes. Great, bye. You know what? I think this ruling party, is taking our country to the dogs. That’s not true! The fact is that our country, is being taken, by the ruling party, to the dogs. Not sure man, not sure. You know what, I think it’s the dogs, that are being taken, by this ruling country, to the party. It’s the taken, that are being country, by party, this ruling dogs to, the. How can I enter this conversation and steal the limelight? By not agreeing with us. Come on guys, The news that you read, is just journalism that’s biased, against my bias. Condescendingly stating a fact to casually oppose you. Ya, but listen, you always have to consider this completely unrelated fact that I’m presenting, because how else will I defend my logically flawed point of view? And I know you are not going to agree with my point of view, so I’m going to raise the tempo, and bring in feminism here. Bringing in feminism only because she is here. You know the problem with guys like you? is that I now remember my point, so I’m going to bring logic, back into this conversation. Fuck your logic man! Seriously, If you can bring logic into this, I can bring emotion. and I can bring emotion, aggressively. If you use aggression, I’m going to use passion to make my point. Okay? Okay, okay! I dare you to use passion. Use passion. Fine! What about 1857? Oh, you want to go there? Really? What about 1947? What about 2002? Oh what about AD? What about Anna Dominos? Did you forget about the Harappan civilization? I haven’t forgotten about the Harappan civilization, bro, but i think you’ve forgotten the cellular formation. Who united the Cytoplasm and the Nucleus? Was it your party? What about beginning of time? What? Trying to interrupt? No! No! What about beginning of time? Big Bang! When the mass of the entire universe, was condensed into one ball, where was your party then? Trying, trying to interrupt you, again and again. Throwing random quote from specific minister of specific constituency of remote part of India, to nail my argument! Great point man, great point. I don’t want to lose, so I’m just going to take, a moral high ground, to show I am immature. I won! Stop it. I won! Stop hurting my ego man. Same tone! Stop hurting my ego. Same tone! Listen! Don’t bruise my ego, you’re hurting my ego. My ego- don’t make me lose it, I cannot accept defeat, so I’m going to get personal, and make a sexist remark, about your masculinity! What’s happening here? Unmarried boys, unmarried girls, unmarried alcohol! Together! We weren’t disturbing anyone, sir. Being unmarried , and back answering me! Because of people like you, Societies, don’t give houses to bachelors. These are all my friends sir. Alright! Is he your friend, or your drug supplier? You think, I don’t know what’s going on over here? All of you, were having sex! Sex! He’s had sex! He’s also had sex. And so have you, sex fiend! Every corner smells like sex! Aren’t you ashamed of, responsibly exploring, your sexuality? This! This is why societies, won’t allow, bachelors! Sir, now you’re being unfair to us. Quiet! Idiots from good houses reside here. Understood? People like you, who are financially independent, ambitious, hardworking youngsters, with few certain vices, that cause no hindrances to other people’s lives, can’t stay here! This is why, societies, will never allow a bachelor to- Were you born with a wife, you asshole? Were you never a bachelor? What’s your problem with bachelors? That bachelors make noise? Why, don’t joint families make noise? Don’t kids shout and scream? Don’t people watch TV? Don’t they indulge in domestic violence? Why don’t you go ring their bell and complain then? Please sir, could you harass your wife a little quietly, my kid has an exam tomorrow? Boss, in Bombay , both space and silence, are a luxury. The houses are tiny, plus so close to each other. Bitch, even Antilia receives the noise during festivals. If you have such a big problem, come tell me to reduce the volume, I’ll turn down the volume! But due to this societies will ban bachelors? What other problem do you have? That bachelors drink? Last I checked, if you’re above the legal age of drinking, you can drink in your home! and nobody has the right to police you, not even the police! Who the fuck are you? And if you think that drinking is morally incorrect, then that’s your personal problem! Neither will my drinking, ruin your liver! Nor will it get you drunk! You spend your entire day at work, coming home drained and tired, wanting to pour yourself a glass of rum, and watch an episode of GOT , and he has an issue with this as well. Why would you have a problem with, how someone else relaxes? Forget the alcohol, let’s tackle your next problem, that bachelors do drugs. Yes, I agree, that drugs are illegal. Sure! And if you find out about someone using, then you can take some action against it. But what assumption is this, that only bachelors do drugs? The same bachelors, tomorrow will come back married, and will easily be granted a house? Why? Dudes quit drugs after getting married? Do they get high sniffing their marriage certificates? And now let’s tackle your biggest issue, Bachelors bring, girls over. First of all, no one brings them, they come because they want to, as they are my friends, and my friends can come visit me whenever they want. And if a girl does come over, this doesn’t mean that we are having sex. Do you welcome guests at your place, by offering them a glass of juice and sex? Actually, even if you do, It’s not my problem. If your guest has no problem, then no one else should have one. The same, way, someone else having premarital, consensual sex, shouldn’t bother you. Why does your ear bleed everytime I say sex? Boss, Not all bachelors are bad, bad people are bad. But of course, the constitution has given you the right, to create your own by-laws, as a housing society. So, obviously, you’re going to misuse that right, to feed your own fucking bigotry! And ban anyone, who doesn’t abide by your moral compass. But you know what? Housing society regulations don’t have the same stature as that of a law. So technically, I can directly approach the court, if you encroach upon my right, to reside anywhere in this country, without being discriminated, on the basis of religion, caste, gender, eating habits or marital status! Now tell me, do you want to stand here and listen to me, or should we continue this party in court? Does this flat get water everyday? Yes sir, water comes in from the roof, , from the walls, from the windows, from the floor as well! It’s just that, during the monsoons, water flows from the tap at times, I’ll get that fixed though, don’t worry….

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