BY ACCIDENT (1/2, subbed) – Russian “New Year” movie (2014)

BY ACCIDENT (1/2, subbed) – Russian “New Year” movie (2014)


Cinema anthology “Your Handwriting” presented by Igor Tolstunov’s Production Company. With support from the Ministry of Culture of the Russian Federation. With financial support from the Ministry of Culture of the Russian Federation. Produced by Chapula Bay. BY ACCIDENT Happy New Year, Olga Konstantinovna. I’m sorry, but could you lend me salt? Of course, Kolya, come inside. Ah, no. Katjka sent me to buy salt, but I don’t feel like going out. I will give it back tomorrow. Then you should definitely come inside. I don’t even have anyone to raise a glass with. I want to at least wish you a happy new year. Oh, for real. It’s not a big deal. Thank you, Olga Konstantinovna! Here’s your salt. Thanks, Olga Konstantinovna. Now, let’s have a sip. Why, of course. I’ve got sea-buckthorn wine, it’s home-made. Who did you cook all this food for? Yurka will be coming home tomorrow. For real? I thought he could make it before the New Year. But it didn’t work out. Here, Kolya, let’s try my patties with dried apricot. Yurka is coming? Uh-huh. How many years has it been already? Maybe you should save the patties for him? It’s all right, I’ve made a lot, should be enough for everyone. Well, then, Olga Konstantinovna! Happy New Year! Here we go. May it be a happy one for you. Thank you. What’s this, were you also making escalopes? Oh, I’ve spent the whole day in the kitchen. I made some salad too, do you want it? Nah, I’m all right with the patties. How is Katjka doing? She’s going downhill, our Katjka. I’m joking, she’s doing fine. Do you need help with anything? Ah, no, it’s all right. Well, shit. Olga Konstantinovna, what’s wrong? Olga Konstantinovna? Come on, what’s wrong? Get up! This is fucked-up. Olga Konstantinovna? The fuck are you doing, where is the salt? It’s on the kitchen table. Olga Konstantinovna! What is this? A song composed by Igor, if I’m remembering right, Yakovlevich Krutoy. The fuck is wrong with you? What is there on the floor in the kitchen? Olga, if I’m remembering it right, Konstantinovna. Is she dead? You think so too? Was she like that when you came? Maybe, we should call the police? No, we shouldn’t call the police, I killed her. What do you mean? Well, I did it by accident. Kolya, what the fuck? There was a mallet lying on the table and she turned her back to me. She was looking for something, moving around and I hit her. It was supposed to be a joke, Katya. I’m gonna fucking shit my pants now from laughing. A fucking stand-up comedian. Gonna spend next 15 years working for The Crooked Mirror. But it’s like she turned her back to me on purpose. As if she was trying to provoke me. So it was like self-defense. Are you retarded? I don’t know, perhaps I am. Kolya? What? Don’t fucking what me! You’ll go to jail! Kolya! Kolya, darling! What is it? What am I going to do all alone, without you? Or maybe we could hide somewhere, try running away? Let’s have a drink. Okay. But let’s go back to our flat, all right? No, we will stay here. Until we deal with the problem. We need to turn off the lights and close the door. How come he is grey-headed now? Was he dying his hair before? He turned all grey in just one year. They are all multi-coloured there. Like rainbow. Maybe he’s dying his hair now. You think Bilan is also like that? Why else would he have such a telling last name? If he was Kolya Veryovkin or Vasya Petin… That would be different, I would respect him then. Making it big with such a shitty last name. There’s that guy – Nikolai Noskov – now, that’s a singer. And this one got his name changed and everyone were like Oh, he’s one of us, let’s promote him through our channels! Well, I think stuff like this is usually said out of envy. You are right, of course. It’s my jealousy speaking, for sure. No one’s promoting me, after all. Or I too would be singing now, with a different voice. ~We are dreamers, you and I~ Stop yelling, will you? ~We are so very different~ ~I love you, that’s all~ ~I’m just running after you~ Turn the volume down! What are you doing, stupid? I will go and look, it could be Seryoga. Your brother? Well, yeah, it’s about time already. What are you doing, performing a punk prayer service here to Bilan’s tunes? Seryozha. We got us a problem. She’s dead. Howdy. Come here, gladiator! Katya, we will join you in a moment! So what happened? Seryozha, it was an accident. There was a mallet lying on the table. She turned her back to me, as if on purpose. And that provoked me, so it was, basically, self-defense. I told Katya many times that you are a retard. I know, she told me about it. Get out and tell Katya to come here. Katya! Katya, Seryozha wants you in the kitchen! Seryozha, I’m scared of her. All right, than the retarded one will watch the lady in the kitchen. And we will talk in the room. Was he dying his hair all that time? He turned all grey now, in just one year. Seryozha, I want to ask you something. Do you think Bilan is one of “those”? I don’t know, I never thought about it. It’s all right, Seryozha, don’t think about it too hard. Do you need him? Who, Bilan? Can you introduce me? Nah, I’m asking if you need that retard over there. We could make him the scapegoat. Say that he’d mudered her before you came. And I’ll say, as a witness, that I was at your place. I’ll confirm that you didn’t go out anywhere. No, it’s just wrong. It’s not fair. Decent people don’t act like that. I agree. He didn’t kill her on his own. All three of us are responsible here. We must dismember the body, then. Do you want some more of this salad? Do you think Bilan is one of “those”, then? How can you stuff your face like this here? How did it go? He says we must dismember her. Holy fuck. That will take us the whole night and morning too. Try your best, because my job starts at 6 a.m. tomorrow. It’s my mother. She always comes two hours early. Oh, God…

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