James: ♪ And so, I’m offering this simple phrase… ♪ [tone-deaf guitar strum] ♪ to kids… ♪ ♪ from one to.. ninety-two… ♪ Old Man: Uh, I’m ninety-three. Do I still count? James: No, Grandpa, we HATE you! Just so you know, that gag was based off a comic I made back in 2014. So I wanted to make a Christmas video, but I didn’t know what to talk about. So, we’re just gonna sit here and roast marshmallows by this PNG of a fire. [soft fire crackling] Do you guys know about that soccer(*football) game that happened in the middle of World War I on Christmas Day, and it was between two opposing sides, the Allies and the Central Powers? I’m not making this up! So German and British troops were in the trenches, you know, fighting for their lives. They were in the middle of a war, after all. And on Christmas Eve, German troops started singing Christmas carols, then the British troops responded singing their own Christmas carols, then one thing led to another, and on Christmas Day they started playing soccer. Well, the British troops would have called it football And the German troops would have called it… Fußball. (Fib-b-ball?) But I’m calling it soccer. Yeah, I know I’m a heretic. I don’t think anything like that has happened in a war, ever. Except for that one time in the Revolutionary War when everyone stopped fighting, because the new Super Smash Brothers just came out. Blue Coat: Merry feet, merry feet! ’Tis not Falco! Wamba with combination! [scattered screaming] WHERE ART THOU?! Okay, that was obviously a joke. Melee didn’t come out for at least like, another year. [scoffs] Stupid. Anyway, what I’m wondering is.. do you think anyone during that game felt a little bit awkward? British Soldier: So how’s the war? Oh, you’re fearing for your life? Well, that’s… that’s good— That’s good! That means we’re doing a good job! Do you think whoever won the game of soccer bragged to the other team? German Soldier: Haha, yes! First, we beat you at fußball! Next, the 𝓦𝓞𝓡𝓛𝓓. Ah, dang it, my marshmellow burned! Does the story of Rudolph count as a fable? What would the moral of Rudolph be? I think it would be: Okay, I stole that quote from something I saw on the subreddit, “Im14AndThisIsDeep.” How come no one sings any songs about any of the other reindeer? Rudolph saved Christmas once and like, he didn’t do it ALONE! Just because he could see through the snow, which by the way wouldn’t have been useful in Arizona, didn’t mean he carried Santa’s sleigh all by himself! But no, just because you were bullied as a kid, you get your own song! Well, enough about you going down in history, Rudolph! I’m gonna make my own song about… Prancer! Okay, I’ll stop. What if the reason Rudolph had a shiny nose was because Rudolph’s mom had an affair with a clown? That was based off a comic I made in 2014. Why did the three wisemen bring baby Jesus Gold, Frankenstein, and Mir? Man: What kind of baby would want that? Okay, that was also based off a comic I made in 2014. Man, 2014 was just my year! Please read my comics. You know what? I’m not done talking about Rudolph. You guys have all seen the stop-motion movie they made about him in the 60s, right? You know, about the elf who wants to be a dentist. Who wouldn’t? (Get ready, headphone users…) WhY wErEnT YoU aT eLf PrAcTiCe?!?!?!?!??! Well, there’s one scene in the movie where Yukon Cornelius sacrifices himself to kill the abominable snowman, and he saves all of his friends (and also indirectly saves Christmas), but whatever, he doesn’t get a song. But then, later in the movie, he just walks through the front door, and everyone’s wondering how he survived, and Rudolph even says: [In unison] “But, but you went over the side of a cliff!” And then Yukon tells everyone the answer: [In unison] “Didn’t I ever tell you about bumbos?” “Bumbos bounce!” And then everyone just laughs it off like it was a hilarious joke and doesn’t ask him any more questions. Even as a kid, I thought that was a stupid explanation. What does that mean, “bumbos bounce”? like, did you two fall off the cliff, and then when you hit the bottom just… trampoline yourself all the way back up? Oh, wait, no, I think I know what it means. it means the writers didn’t want to kill off a character, so they just came up with a plot device to make him live! [Voice raises] You know, because you can’t have death in a kids’ movie! No one DIES! [blows raspberry] Not even the bad guy dies. How does Santa deliver the houses without chimneys? I think Tim Allen tried to explain it once. Anyway, I think that’s gonna do it for this video. I kept it short so that way, I have more time to spend Christmas with my family, and it also gives me more time to wrap presents. Because, you know, I’m just terrible at wrapping. Hey guys, thanks for watching. If you want to hear a rap song about Prancer, well you’re in luck, ’cause I made one and it’s up on my second channel. Well, okay, I didn’t sing the song. Dave from “BoyinaBand” did, and he did an amazing job. If you didn’t know I had a second channel, that’s ’cause this is the first time I’m mentioning it in an animation. I mean it’s pretty empty right now, but I’m planning on posting some “random XD mémés rawr.” And I wouldn’t say this if my grandma didn’t watch my videos, but the song has a swear word in it. I know I’m supposed to be family-friendly, but I liked it too much, so I left it in. Also I think I do this in every video now, but I really need to thank my three colorers (colorists); they’re basically working for me full-time now. And they all have their own channels that they somehow have enough time to post on, and you should all check them out; they’re really good. Also, my friend “Ryder” posted a 2017 year review, and I’m in it, so you should check that out. Merry Christmas, everyone, and if you don’t celebrate Christmas, why did you watch this video all the way to the end? Stay safe, and wear your seatbelt.