Cockney Kennings (ASNaC Yule Play 2018)

Oh, excuse me! Pardon me! Hi, gentlemen! My name is Gangleri, I just arrived on a ship from Norway, could you point me in the direction of the chief? Yer wot? The – the chief You ain’t from da land-of-the-sky-of-the-eel, int you? Sorry? The land-of-the-sky-of-the-eel. Iceland, innit? Oh, oh no! I just arrived on a ship from Norway! Ah, well, Mister Gang-Larry- Gangleri. Let me give yer some advice. you go round ‘ere speakin’ yer fancy-shmance Norwegian yer gonna get yourself in a right snowstorm-of-the-flying-fists, yer get me? [laughter] A snowstorm of the what? Yeah. So maybe try an’ blend in a bit more. Ah, okay, um, how do I do that? Right, well, first off, don’t go gabbin’ about no “gentle men” Sa battle-bush, innit? A what? Right, well, yer look at a man, right? an’ a man… ee’s a tree. An’ a bush is sort ov a scrubby tree, like. An’ coz men we like to fight an’ all that, call a bush a battle-bush an’ there’s yer man. Oh, ok, I get it! This Icelandic slang thing is very hard. It’s not ‘slang’, it’s the mead of Suttung, or Kvasir’s blood, or Oðinn’s gift an’ all dat. Why in Midgard do you call it all those names? Well, long story, I’ll tell you anovver time. Better stick with simple ones, yeah? Um, you says yer going to the gov’nor, yeah? Yes, that’s right, the chief. Mm, alright, well, mm, the gov’s a bit temperamental, like. You better have sommit special for ‘im. Like, a fancy title? Yeah. An’ if yer won’t some dosh off ‘im you best put dat in ‘swell. So you go to the chief, and you call ‘im…? The ring-breaking tree of the hail of the flame of the feast of the corpse-gryphon. Would you Adam an’ Eve it, ee’s got it! Who are Adam and Eve? Oh, no idea. Anyway, You wanna be off up to ‘is mead hall, it’s the one up there with all the golden shields an’ the glowing swords an’ all dat. Do you, do you mean that mead hall over there? Yeah, dat’s the one. I can’t see any glowing shields or swords. You mean yer can’t see the glowing swords? No, I don’t think they exist. Huh. Guess I’m just high.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *