What happens when 800 of the world’s most elite footballers and their managers live together under one roof? Players stop being polite Players stop being polite and start getting Real. This is The Champions If you need a cross into the box, pray you have an Angel on your wing. Money can’t buy you silverware… is what the chairman keeps telling me. Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because I had a great World Cup five years ago and not much else. I’m not the new Ronaldo. I’m the first Vinicius. Oh, except for Vinicius Sr. OLE, OLE, OLE, OLE, OLE OLE, OLE, OLE, OLE, OLE, OLE Hey you guys, sorry Gareth bailed but thanks for taking the rest of us out! Now you are just like your season… totally wasted! Per La Liga tradition, every night we all get dinner at 11 p.m. and go to the club till about 3 a.m., which makes us perfectly ready for breakfast at noon and a match at 1. Antoine, do you want red or white? Hmmmm. That is a tough choice. I used to wear the 10 shirt too, you know. Let the Little Magician show you how it’s done. Ta-da. I make it disappear! See?! Uh, guys… excuse me, um, could you- Uh, yeah, would you mind keeping it down please? I mean, who sleeps that much? What planet is he from? Come on, Gareth, For once, have fun with us. Slow down. You know I have a problem with conversational Spanish! We are speaking English to you. We just have accents. I don’t know why I haven’t been able to fit in… I’ve even learned all the Spanish I need. I mean, go ahead. Test me. Okay, como estas? Estoy herido. Que paso? …Estoy herido. Okay. Uh, you need a scrunchie? Two words. Do you want us to be louder? Sounds like… You want a transfer? Whoa! Not cool, man. Oh, oh no. I’m sorry. It’s just I need to be at my best for tomorrow’s big match. Big match? Uh, we are out of the Champions League and the Copa del Rey. And right now we only play La Liga matches to get out of the house once in a while. Oh, no no no. My big golf match… I’m trying to beat my personal best. Uh, unless you want to join…? Anyone? Alright, well, see you later. What’s his deal?! Oh my God. The man sucks. We have a lot of nicknames for Gareth, like “the Martian” because we don’t like him, “the Golfer” because we don’t like him, or like “Less Good Ronaldo” because we don’t like him. I don’t know. Something’s off with him, man. Nobody in their right mind wouldn’t want to hang out with us. Maybe he wants a transfer? Maybe he’s faking an injury? I know! Let’s go through his stuff to find out what he’s hiding. We could maybe instead go to sleep and practice more so we stop losing… Guys, I found something. Why is his pencil so small? I’m scared. He really is a martian! What’s going on? Is it tee time already?! Get away from us, alien! You’re different, and we hate you. But that’s just my Welsh books, my golf pencils and my exfoliating mask. Please…por favor. Oh NOW you speak Spanish. I tried to fit in. But after six years, it’s clear I am the only true Galactico here. I don’t belong at Real Madrid. It’s time for me to go home. I will stick with the red. Thank you! Uh, guys?