Million Dollars, But… Theme Pack: Holiday – 12 Crimes of Christmas | Rooster Teeth


G: Hello, welcome to a special holiday edition of Million Dollars But. Here we have Blaine and Barbs and myself Blaine. It’s Christmas. You have pecs. *Barbara’s laughter* Why don’t you go first?
Blaine: Okay- Blaine: You get a million dollars, but, for the 12 days leading up to Christmas You have to commit 12 felonies. Dressed as Santa Claus. *Barbara hohohoing* Barbara: what?
Blaine: Yeah so like on the 13th? Carjacking. Full Santa outfit you go to a dealership- Barbara : A bunch of Santas stealing cars everywhere HO HO HO… BITCHES Barbara: You’ve got armed robbery.
Blaine: That’d be fucking fun. Barbara: Merry Christmas PUT YOUR FUCKING HANDS IN THE AIR (laughing and screaming) Blaine: Or drug running as Santa Claus that’d be fun.
Gavin: Got a belly just full of coke. Barbara: Or your just smoking a doobie going ~on blitzeeen~ yeahhhhhhhhhh Gavin: you can also do some seriously white collared crime, be like tax evasion.
Blaine: That’s not fun at all. Blaine: Someone wants to see Santa rob a bank no one wants to see Santa in an office, doing his taxes. Gavin: Just fill out a form differently. Blaine: You could, you could like.. Blaine : Assault a child you know, like whack ’em with your bag full presents Barbara: I guess it is like the best disguise leading up to Christmas. Blaine: Breaking into someone’s house would be, I feel like a lot easier because the child would be the accomplice You break in and then they think “Oh… Santa” and then you’re stealing all their shit And you’re like “Hey Billy!”
Barbara: I’ll give this back to you on Christmas! Barbara: I don’t know if I would take it just seems like so much work. Blaine: I would absolutely do it.
Gavin: I can’t take this one. I’m foreign. They’ll just deport me if I get caught. Blaine: They’ll deport you back to the north pole. Barbara: All right gentlemen, you get a million dollars But from now on every single year the week leading up to Christmas You have to spend an entire week with your family who is blackout drunk. G: Oh Shit.
Blaine: It is instinatious? Its just like WAAAA, and then someones got a lampshade on their head? Barabara : Uncle John’s drawing a moustache on someone passed out on the couch Blaine: So that means the kids too are just-
Barabra: Yep, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews Yeah like imagine your Christmas Eve dinner prepared by your mom. It’s just like McDonald’s
Blaine: McChristmas Sandwich Barbara: It’s just all the burgers covered in gravy. Blaine: That’s- that’s a week of you babysitting your entire family.
Barbara: Yep. Blaine: Imagine like a bunch of Christmas carolers come to your house. They see the madness. Barbara: And you’re like “Run, get out of here!”
Blaine: Save yourself! Although my family is a bunch of Jews so they’d probably be like, “Oh my god, I don’t feel good.” “Who wants to do the hora?” Lighting the menorah would be very challenging Kenneth has prayed before we do that or they’d like light it with a fart be like “hey watch this” Barb and her drunk family. You go to take your little like a niece or nephew over to see Santa at the mall You’re like “All right. Tell them what you want.” I want you to die! You piece of shit! Just vomit all over the mall Santa Would you take it? No that would ruin Christmas for me I think I’m gonna have to pass that just sounds like a terrible time. I wouldn’t do it. I would definitely not take any Million dollars, but every time you hear the word ‘Christmas’ you have to pull 50 feet of Christmas lights out of your ass What if you’re with your little cousin and he’s like ‘It’s Christmas!’ (x3) and you’re like ‘Shut the fuck up!’, punch him in the face. Someone knocks on your door. It’s like people sing ‘We wish you a Merry Christmas’. So there’s 100 lights coming out It would really suck if you were on the toilet and like you hear someone outside, they’re going like “hey Merry Christmas” ‘Oh, fuck!’ It just starts electrocuting you while you’re taking a shit You can help your dad decorate your entire house, you can just trail along behind you like ‘Christmas… Christmas…’ Yeah you’re like you’re up on the roof like ‘Dad, say it again’ ‘Christmas’ and it’s just shitting out- You would never get lost in the woods. You got a trail of bread crumbs with anal lights oh But you know how sometimes whenever you’re storing Christmas lights, and they are all this like big tangled bundle? It’s like at some point. What if you just like? Just a ‘PUSH’ and it’s like a giant bundle But then you could sell them! Every Christmas you’d end up with a warehouse full of lights, it’s like here’s 3000 feet of Christmas lights, and it’s just like all covered in brown. There’s like a Million dollars, but 50 feet of lights come out your ass every time you hear the word ‘Christmas’, would you do it? No, I wouldn’t do it. Absolutely. Yes. I would. You would? Oh, yeah for sure. Oh you’re crazy. I would definitely do it. That’s easy money. Hey guys. Thanks for watching ‘A Million Dollars, But’ if you enjoyed this episode you’re totally gonna enjoy our card game We’ve got the party game as well as the expansion packs available at MDB game.com Just click the link that’s somewhere around here Find out what weird awful terrible things you and your family and friends would do for a million dollars And you know just do a little bit of butt stuff

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