Oh, Christmas Tree

Oh, Christmas Tree


– HAVE YOU BOUGHT
A CHRISTMAS TREE YET? ANYBODY BOUGHT A CHRISTMAS TREE?
[cheers and applause] WELL, THE REST OF YOU
ARE EITHER PROCRASTINATING OR YOU’RE JEWISH. [laughter] IF YOU’VE GOT YOUR TREE ALREADY,
CONGRATULATIONS. YOU WILL HAVE A BEAUTIFUL PILE
OF DEAD NEEDLES JUST IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS, AND IF YOU DIDN’T GET
YOUR TREE YET, DON’T WORRY. YOU’LL STILL WIND UP
WITH A BEAUTIFUL PILE OF DEAD NEEDLES
JUST IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS. PICKING OUT A TREE IS–
OH, IT’S A PROCESS, ISN’T IT? YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR HATCHET, AND THEN YOU HAVE TO GO SNEAK INTO YOUR NEIGHBOR’S YARD
AT NIGHT. [laughter]
I’M KIDDING. YOU GO TO
THE CHRISTMAS TREE LOT, WHICH IS A STRANGE PLACE. YOU KNOW, IT’S THE ONLY TIME
IT’S OKAY TO BUY SOMETHING
IN A PARKING LOT FROM A GUY IN A SKI MASK. [laughter] AND HE TRIES TO SELL YOU SNOW
IN A BAGGIE, YOU KNOW? [laughter] I’M–
I THINK– I MIGHT’VE BOUGHT COCAINE. NOW THAT I’M… [laughter] MM. SO YOU GET YOUR TREE, AND– OH, PICKING OUT A TREE,
IT’S QUITE A PROCESS. AND THEN YOU GET THE TREE
YOU LIKE, AND YOU STRAP IT
TO THE ROOF OF YOUR CAR– WHICH SEEMS SAFE– AND TAKES ABOUT THREE HOURS
TO GET HOME, BECAUSE THERE’S SAP
ON YOUR HANDS FROM THE TREE WHICH STICKS
TO THE STEERING WHEEL, AND YOU CAN ONLY MAKE
RIGHT TURNS. SO YOU FINALLY GET HOME, AND THERE’S ALWAYS A BUNCH
OF BRANCHES MISSING. NO MATTER HOW MUCH
YOU FIND A PERFECT TREE, YOU HAVE TO HIDE THE BALD SPOT. IT’S THE SAME THING WE DO
WHEN SOFIA VERGARA IS HERE. [laughter] OH, YEAH. YOU SHOULD SEE THE BACK OF HER. IT’S JUST– JUST HAIR THERE,
AND THAT’S IT. NOTHING BACK THERE. PLUS THE TREE IS FULL OF BUGS,
AND– YOU KNOW IN THE SPRING
WHEN YOU’RE IN YOUR KITCHEN, YOU’RE LIKE, “HOW DID
ALL THESE BUGS GET IN HERE?” WELL, IT’S ‘CAUSE
IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER, YOU BROUGHT THEIR HOUSE
INTO YOUR HOUSE. THAT’S WHY. OF COURSE,
THERE ARE OTHER OPTIONS. I WAS WATCHING QVC,
AND I SAW THIS BEAUTIFUL FLOCKED
SHERWOOD SPRUCE TREE. AND IT ALREADY HAS LIGHTS ON IT. IT’S RUN BY REMOTE CONTROL.
THERE’S NO CORDS. AND I THOUGHT,
“THAT’S A BRILLIANT IDEA. WHO CAME UP WITH THAT?” TURNS OUT, IT’S FROM
E.D. ON AIR BY ELLEN DEGENERES. [cheers and applause] IT’S MINE. MY IDEA. AND IT IS AVAILABLE NOW
AT QVC.COM. AND ANOTHER BRILLIANT IDEA
I CAME UP WITH ABOUT, OH, 12 YEARS AGO–
DANCING.

75 thoughts on “Oh, Christmas Tree

  1. I love Ellen so much. She's hilarious, generous (like her last name πŸ˜‰ ), beautiful and awesome. She's so inspirational and makes everyone's day much better. Love you Ellen!!

  2. Love this video😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😘

  3. I wonder if all American families don't buy christmas tree every year, how many tress would be saved?? The environment will be saved a lot I think…Β 

  4. Not Jewish, not procrastinating….just common sense that you don't buy a christmas tree before Sinterklaas is over…..you Americans, you.

  5. OMG, you are soo soo nice Ellen You have every thinhing and you make me feel very happy every day… #theellenshow Β 

  6. I've had fake trees since I was little and my has decided to get a real tree this year. I was so excited until now. Now I am afraid. I am afraid of a tree.

  7. In Australia we use artificial Christmas trees. Not only saves the effort of getting a real one but also saves the environment

  8. In Asian countries, we use artificial tree, which comes in different sizes. We have one which is 6ft tall, and it has been in our house for 15years. We bring out in December, decorate it, and pack it back in box after new year. It's so much fun!

  9. So this woman doesn't like how in Christianity, being gay is a sin, but she has an episode on Christmas and Christmas trees? What a hypocritical piece of gay trash.

  10. hiya ellen please pleaseplease say merry christmas to the 1D boys for me i love them but all the tickets are nearly sold out my sister and i would go blooming MENTAL!!!!!!! IF WE MET THEM Β but also please say i said hello i live in england (birmingham) and i think ur amazing love from the biggest 1D fan in the world

  11. Even once my family gets the tree and finishes decorating it, there's still a lot of debating to be done over what to name it!

  12. I just realized american cut actually trees for Christmas, since I was a kid I thought they had fake ones, like where I live. omg.

  13. Wouldn't buying a real tree be more beneficial in the long run? Artificial trees use finite resources, while a real Christmas tree can be grown seeing as there are even Christmas tree farms.

  14. Artifical Christmas trees always looked better to me. And not only are they less expensive and require less effort to put up, but are also environmentaly friendly.Β 

  15. lol I bet the audience was hoping she was going to tell them they would all be getting one. Β wah–wah-waaaaah.

  16. I just purchased an Ed On Air Christmas tree.Β  I'm impatiently waiting for it to arrive.Β  I thought it would've shipped by now, but it still says it's "processing".Β  Errr!

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