-Guys, tonight was the big
Rockefeller Center Christmas tree lighting. Did you see it?
Well, yeah. [ Laughter ] There were thousands of people
out in the plaza. It was really nice
watching parents show their kids the true meaning
of claustrophobia. [ Laughter and applause ] The tree lighting is such
a great tradition, though. It’s fun for everyone —
except the guy who waited four hours in the freezing cold, then sneezed
and totally missed it. It’s like, “Ah-choo!” “Oh, you’re kidding me!
You’re joking me!” [ Laughter and applause ] But the tree is beautiful.
It’s so pretty. You barely notice the 80-foot
orange extension cord running from the star
to the bottom. You barely —
You can barely see it. It’s cute.
[ Laughter and applause ] Actually, I read that
the star weighs 900 pounds and features
3 million crystals. [ Audience “Oohs” ] 900 pounds
and 3 million crystals, or as guys from New Jersey call
that a pinky ring. “Hey, whoa.”
-“Oh!” -“Hey, yo.”
-“Hey!” -“We gonna
light this tree over here? Why don’t you
light it right now. Turn the tree on.
No one has to know.” [ Laughter ] Oh, I saw that tonight was also the Christmas-tree-lighting
ceremony at the White House. President Trump said
it’s the only time he can press a giant button
without everyone in America being absolutely terrified.
[ Laughter and applause ] “3, 2 —
Ooh! Gotcha!” Why would you do it on two? [ Laughter ] Who does that? This is interesting. If you wanted to go
to the White House ceremony, you can get free tickets
through an online lottery. [ Laughter ] Nobody did,
but you could have done it. [ Laughter ] -You gotta know how —
-Who does it on two? -Why would you do it?
Yeah. -Everyone’s waiting for one.
-Yeah, exactly. -Everybody’s gonna cheer on one,
but let’s do — No. Why?
-“I’m in charge.” [ Laughter ] -“I go with my gut.” [ Laughter ] Doesn’t make any sense. Well, the White House
and 30 Rock had their tree-lighting
ceremonies on the same night. In many ways,
the events are similar, but there are
some key differences. I’ll show you what I mean. First, at 30 Rock, everyone
gathers to see the tree get lit. At the White House, everyone
who works for Trump gets lit. [ Laughter and applause ] Next at 30 Rock, music superstar
John Legend sings the hits. And at the White House, Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross
plays the spoons. -Wow!
[ Laughter and applause ] ♪ Camptown races ♪ -Finally at 30 Rock,
the tree is donated to Habitat for Humanity
to build homes. At the White House, the tree
is chopped up to build the wall. [ Laughter and applause ] “The wall.”
[ Laughter and applause ] Well, tomorrow, Trump heads
to Argentina for the G20 summit, where world leaders
are hoping to issue some joint statements
on climate change. Trump actually
co-wrote statements with several other leaders,
though I’m not sure he had all of
his facts straight. Check out some of these
joint statements. British Prime Minister
Theresa May wrote, “The reason so many ecosystems
are disappearing is because…” and Trump wrote, “I fired them.” [ Laughter and applause ] German Chancellor
Angela Merkel wrote, “We can conserve
our available water if…” Trump wrote,
“…we drink it with two hands as slowly as possible.” [ Laughter and applause ] Canadian Prime Minister
Justin Trudeau wrote, “The only thing more concerning than the fallout
of El Niño is…” Trump wrote, “…the fallout
of el baño. I wouldn’t go in there
if I were you.” [ Laughter and applause ] What?
-Why would he — Why would he release that
statement? -And finally, Japanese
Prime Minister Shinzo Abe wrote, “Reduce, reuse…”
and Trump wrote, “…retweet!” [ Laughter and applause ] They’re not on the same page.
-No, not at all. -Some more political news. I saw that Ohio Senator
Sherrod Brown is seriously considering
running for president. And it turns out
he’s not the only one. Check out what these
other Senators had to say when asked
if they thought about running. First, Senator Todd Young said,
“I thought about running, but I think I might be, too,
well, my last name.” [ Laughter ] Then Senator Jeff Flake said,
“I thought about running, but to be honest,
I’d probably drop out at the last second,
and, well, my last name.” [ Laughter ] And Senator Angus King said,
“I thought about running, but I don’t really want
to be a president. I’d rather be a,
well, my last name.” [ Laughter ] And finally,
Senator Sheldon Whitehouse said, “Of course
I thought about running, but where would I live,
you idiot?” [ Laughter and applause ] -That’s so rude.
-Little harsh! -Yeah. -Hey, guys,
did you guys see this? There’s a massive cow
in Australia. Have you seen photos of this? [ Laughter ]
Have you not seen this yet? There’s a giant cow
or something like that. It’s going viral. It’s in Australia,
and people can’t — Look at this thing.
Check this out. -A cow Down Under has risen
to international stardom. -The steer is named Knickers.
Kind of a big guy. [ Audience “Oohs” ] He weighs more than
3,000 pounds. -Holy!
-More than 6 feet tall. -Wow!
-Wow! -That’s the only cow on Earth who goes up to a farmer
and says, “Milk me!” [ Laughter and applause ] Listen to this, guys.
I heard that Prince Harry feels imprisoned
living in a royal palace. To be fair,
you wouldn’t feel great, either, if you were 34 years old and still crashing
at your grandma’s. [ Laughter ] Guys, I’m very excited
about this. We have Macaulay Culkin
on the show tonight. [ Cheers and applause ]
-Yes! -Macaulay Culkin. And this time,
he’s actually supposed to be in New York during the holidays. [ Laughter ] Also, from “Law & Order: SVU,” Ice T and Mariska Hargitay
are here! -Oh!
[ Cheers and applause ] It’s actually weird.
Earlier, I went to the dressing room to say hi,
but they had gone missing. ♪♪ And, finally, I read,
earlier this month, a mysterious rumble
shook the Earth, but experts don’t know
what caused it. Though I’m pretty sure
it was just that giant cow whispering,
“Moo!” We have a great show tonight.
Give it up for The Roots!