SANTA CLAUS IN THERAPY.

SANTA CLAUS IN THERAPY.


psychiatric help $5 the doctor is in hey
Jillian what’s with the sign ooh a patient the doctor will see you now
what doctor me can’t you see I’m offering psychiatric help for the
reasonable price of $5 Jillian you’re not a psychiatrist so it’s not worth five
stats let alone $5 what are you talking about people will be lining up for my
help I won’t be one of them hmm you just can’t help people who won’t
help themselves excuse me is this where I get the psychiatric help why yes it is
well I need to talk to someone I for post-christmas let down do you have $5
honey I’m Santa Claus I’m a millionaire yeah a lot of people say that let’s see
the cash ooh no one wants to believe anymore
here you go is that good enough for you have a seat here’s your five bucks thank you and now
what seems to be the problem today sir well in case you haven’t noticed I am
Santa Claus yes and you said something about a post Christmas letdown Oh every
year just gets worse and worse there is this big build-up to Christmas and then
after it happens I’m just lost now how can I be sure you’re not just some guy
in a Santa suit who thinks he’s Santa Claus I gave you the five bucks didn’t I
true enough so how long has this been going on well I’ve been Santa for as
long as I can remember I don’t think I’ve ever done anything else
have you considered changing your line of work
look at me toots I was built for this well just about anyone can get burned
out on their job really how long have you been a psychiatrist Oh about five
minutes anyway now that Christmas is over I feel like I’ve lost all meaning
do you have any hobbies um building toys eating cookies and I
have my reindeer to take care of those all kind of sound like Santa things to
me well I have been thinking about taking up waterskiing really have you
seen how fast the North Pole has been shrinking I don’t even know how to swim
well maybe the problem is you feel all alone do you have any help I got those
elves but they stopped making toys years ago that was all taken over by the big
toy corporations so you do everything by yourself
well the elves do some regular maintenance
you know like packing the bags making sure the reindeer are ready oh that’s
right the reindeer I think being around animals is good for one psychological
well-being look you wouldn’t be saying that if you had to ride behind eight of
them things around the entire world well what about rudolph total prima
donna he let all that fame go straight to his head well everyone was pretty
mean to him until they found out they could use his nose to see through the
fog that’s some revisionist history but we’re here to talk about my problems not
Rudolph’s you’re right you’re right so we were talking about help what about
mrs. Claus there’s a mrs. Claus yeah you know doesn’t she keep the home fires
burning make you cookies and stuff oh you mean sandy your wife’s name is
sandy Claus yeah I don’t see much of her our estate’s so big we just each do our
own thing hmm dysfunctional spousal relationship and
don’t even get me started on cookies what’s wrong with cookies years ago the
papers published that I like cookies now everyone puts them out I used to be
skinny well people are just trying to be nice oh I wish they’d stop trying to be
nice I’m the one who’s supposed to be nice well don’t you feel nice anymore I
forgot why I even started doing this and now no one will let me stop well think
of how disappointed all those children will be all they do is take take take
and they just want more more MORE it’s only once a year yeah deliveries
one day a year the other 364 days we’re preparing for that day hmm that must be
a lot of pressure you think so last year I had a cold that was no
picnic I didn’t know Santa could get colds well I’m only human after all or
am i what the heck am i I just assumed you were some elf that got really big
well that was a little insensitive are you body-shaming me no I meant big
as in like rose above his station well what’s an elf supposed to do anyway as
far as I can tell the rest of them are free
well I think Santa needs some me time why would I want to spend time with you
no not me time you time oh you mean just do something entirely selfish yeah
what’s wrong with that well I have been wanting to go on a big fishing trip in
Alaska what’s been stopping you the last time I took one day off it took us a
whole month to recover those elves know nothing about running a business well
you have to do something for yourself every once in a while life isn’t just
about work you know oh I just get so stressed out thinking about it no work
anxiety the Easter Bunny has it so much easier than me the expectations are so
much lower comparing yourself to someone else never leads to happiness I have to
wear a suit he just hops around basically naked I don’t think hopping
around naked at the North Pole would be a good idea trust me if you were naked
at the North Pole you’d be hopping around well we need to give you one take
away before you come back for a second session yeah I get the feeling we’re
just spinning wheels here anyways what you got I want you to make a list let me
guess check it twice make a list of ten things
that have nothing to do with Christmas that’ll make you happy well ten I don’t
know if I can do that well I’m giving you a whole week so just do the best you
can all right you know what I do feel a little better really I mean of course
yeah I think just talking about things has helped me oh we’re just about out of
time you have another session after this as a matter of fact I do
who is it sorry doctor-patient confidentiality prevents me from telling
you all right thanks doc I’ll get to work on that list oh sorry
Rudolph let’s just pretend this never happened so that was Santa in therapy if you
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year goodbye

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