The Christmas Tree – Phelous

The Christmas Tree – Phelous

So, I’ve been hearing a bit about The Christmas Tree. Apparently, it’s bad, like that’s new, so I don’t know what the big deal is… (dramatic “bum-bum BUUUUUUM!” music) You have got to be shitting (in Old Man voice) MEEEEE!!!!–(cuts himself off) (music with low wind instruments that sound like farts) The Christmas Tree was a terrible idea, which was given life in 1991, AND IT’S THE WORST CHRISTMAS SPECIAL EVER!! I mean, if I want to be overblown and ridiculous about it… probably a good clickbait title, though… The Christmas Tree is the only movie by Flareon Ferrari Films, er, um… Flamarion Ferreira, and, uh, this intro is kind of reminding me of something… I suppose that’s no coincidence here, though, as the director of this, Flamarion Ferreira herself, DID actually work in the animation department for a bunch of Filmation cartoons. Her main work there, and a lot of her other projects, though, was as a background and storyboard artist. She was, though, the art director for…a bunch of late-in-the-game Land Before Time sequels… …an episode of the show…oh, and the classic, Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet Frankenstein! The Christmas Tree seems to be her only time trying to produce something of her own. And…yeah, it turned out a bit unfortunate. Who distributed this crap, anyway? (same “bum-bum-BUUUUUUM!” music) GoodTimes?!? Can you please just leave me alone? Yep, this is yet another crap cartoon GoodTimes just couldn’t stay away from. Apparently, all their Golden Films and Jetlag ‘toons weren’t enough. GoodTimes wasn’t the original distributor for this one, as its first VHS release was by good ol’ Family Home Entertainment, or f.h.e., which I’m sure a lot of you who grew up in the 90s will recognize. And that release had a much nicer cover than the GoodTimes one, even if it is a sweet, sweet lie. In this case, the GoodTimes cover is much more indicative about what you’re gonna get. [Audio from the movie] (aforementioned farty music) [Phelous’s voiceover] That’s some real enticing farty music there, though I won’t lie and say that it doesn’t set the tone rather well as they, uh, try to prolong actually showing you what this stupid cartoon looks like. [Audio from the movie] Everything happened somewhere far, far in the north, in a small little town. Our story takes place in an orphanage, with some children and a pine tree. The orphaned children lived under the control of the evil rules of a lady named Mrs. Mavilda. I sure hope she wants to skin the orphans for a coat. [Audio from the movie] But they had a friend: the pine tree they named Mrs. Hopewell. The kids believed that the tree was magical. After all, what other tree sits in the ground and grows? [Audio from the movie] It somehow was going to bring them a mom and a dad. [Phelous’s voiceover] You little tree-naming losers sure are putting a lot on this stupid tree! Wake up and join the real world! The world of…whatever the hell time period this is supposed to be… Apparently, actually telling us something useful would be a bit much for this narrator. You’d better enjoy that narrator, though, because he’s the only “actor” in this it tries to have any sort of human emotion. [Phelous’s voiceover] The voice actors in this are… …people I don’t know. Sorry, I’ve got nothing. Because none of the people were in anything else, and you’ll soon hear why. [From the movie] Mrs. Mavilda didn’t really take good care of the children, but she made people think she did, [Phelous’s voice] by standing around awkwardly as Old Man wannabe sees how long he can give us the money bag gunshow. Seriously, what the hell is that? Why is there another one of him? [From the movie] She had a pretty dress with bows and lace and a new pair of pants and a sweater to put on whichever child she was going to show off to the mayor. [Phelous’s voice] “Ah, yes, this is my cousin, Old Mayor.” “I try not to talk to him very often because he’s got stupid weird voice and I hate him.” So…I know this goes without saying, but the animation in this one is really bizarre. People stand around being still frames for long periods of time until suddenly, there will be a burst of movement, which is sort of kind of fluid in a way, but also awkward as all hell, and a lot of the motions make little to no sense. [From the movie] But after he left a donation collected by the townspeople for the orphanage, Mrs. Mavilda would immediately take off the child’s clothes. The hell? What’s the rating on this? No need of that! [Phelous’s voice] This luckily isn’t something that carries over to any other scene. Apparently, they just thought we really wanted to see a child undressing scene. [From the movie] She used all that donated money in an irresponsible way. I think it was enough that she took the money that was supposed to go to the kids. It doesn’t particularly matter HOW she blew it afterwards. [Movie] “There goes the children’s bread for the week,” so said Mrs. Mavilda, laughing with her friends every time she played a hand. [Phelous] She lost every single hand, but loved it because the kids weren’t getting the money, and that’s all that really matters. When you’re a stupid cartoon villain! …which I suppose she is… [Movie] If she caught them sneaking in the street dog, whom the children named Licorice. Poor Licorice. [Phelous] “He wanted to be The Tramp, but he just couldn’t quite get there.” [Movie] (awkward cheering) [Phelous] Well, the kids are broken. Gonna have to get some new ones if you want your money to constantly lose, Mavilders. [Movie] Everything starts when a couple arrives in town, seeking a better life. The mayor told the good man that he would offer him a job at the lumber mill, but for a period of time, he would have to live in the boardinghouse without his family. “For a period of time”? What, is this just a test by the dickhead mayor to see if the family will stay together? [Movie] The mayor also said that he would arrange for the man’s wife and children to stay at the orphanage. She could become Mrs. Mavilda’s assistant. Oh…you. We come from the Mayor’s. I know, I know. (extremely monotone) I better go now. [Phelous] (with a robotic voice effect) “And by the way, I am a robot. Take my family. I shall not miss them.” [Movie] Take good care of yourself and the children, Judy. [Phelous] “Or don’t. It shall not affect me either way.” [Movie] You have to get up at 7:00, prepare breakfast, feed the children at 8:00, then clean and wash. Don’t forget dinner at 6:00 so the children will be in bed by 7:30. I don’t want to see any children out of their beds. You can spend some time with your children after you finish all your chores. Glad they moved here for “a better life.” [Phelous] Why does it look like it pains people to speak most of the time in this? They kind of just gyrate in place most of the time, and it makes it look like their backs are broken or something. [Movie] I want you to make sure you have your feet clean so you won’t dirty the sheets. No clothes on the floor. No fights of any kind. How unreasonable!– No, wait… [Audio from The Shining] Come play with us. Forever and ever. [Phelous] Oh, I didn’t think they could get any creepier. Well, thanks for proving that wrong. [Movie] I’m all right, teddy bear. No, Lily! [Phelous] (high pitched) “Don’t talk to them or else they’ll” (extremely deep) “SWALLOW YOUR SOOOOOUUUULLL!!!” [Movie] (in a voice that indicates she barely knows how to talk) My teddy bear has only one arm, but my mom says Santa will bring him a new one. I can barely hear what she’s saying with that overdone “cute baby-talk” crap. [Clip of what sounds like a pack of wolves mauling something] [Phelous] (singing) Everybody’s working for the Christmas! [Movie] (fast and slurred) Mommy! Mommy! Come here and see Mrs. Hopewell! Was that English? [Movie] Ms. Hopewell is a tree! That tree! (giggles) She takes care of us. When I’m scared, I think about her branches, like arms holding me. [Phelous] “Wow, that’s really pathetic.” “I hate you, kid.” [Movie] I wish I could read so I could read her story from this old book that I found [Phelous] I love that a bunch of these kids are just the same voice pitched slightly differently. Do I?! Do I REALLY love that?!? [Movie] I wish she could read stories to me. [Phelous] “I mean, I could ask you, an actual person, to read it to me,” “but I’d rather the tree because I’m bwain dead!” [Movie] Licorice? Now who’s Licorice? (BARK!) [Phelous] “I was just hidden off-screen until my cue!” [Movie] I didn’t know we had a dog! Shh! Don’t say that loud, mommy! Mrs. Mavilda doesn’t like him in here. [Phelous] Yeah, she’d hear you saying “dog,” but not actually hear the damn dog barking. [Movie] Poor Licorice. You’d better go outside. It’s could out there. He’s gonna catch a cold. All right, all right [Phelous] “Since it’s so cold out there, let’s give him a bath OUTSIDE!” “That makes him able to deal with the cold better!” (dramatic sting) Why are the children’s heads larger than the adults’? They don’t even look like they belong in the same cartoon. The kids almost look like living dolls, which just adds to their disturbing creepiness. Then, as there’s just a pile of lumber sitting by the orphanage, Judy here montages up a slide and swing for the little demon spawns, which really annoys Mrs. Mavilda, because she didn’t notice any of that noise and construction until it was done. [Movie] You’re here to do your work first, not that nonsense. [Phelous] “I know that crap out there would actually keep the children out of my hair,” “but I don’t really have clear character motivations!” [Movie] So the day went by, and they spent more time together. (stiltedly) Ah, they really are getting along. [Phelous] (In an extremely awkward way) “The master will be pleased.” “hreeee! HREEEEE! hee! REEEEEEEEEE.” As the new woman is clearly the only one giving a remote shit about these kids, Old Mayor decides he should reuse the previous scene and drop off more money bags…from his bank heists, I guess. “M-my God of useless raining, you’re stupid, cuz’.” “Anyone can see that Mrs. Mavilda is a wet bitch!” (separating every syllable) “Maybe she’ll go on a date with me!” “Heee he-HEEEEEEE heeeee heeeeeeeeee!” “That is so annoying when you do that!” [Movie] Mrs. Mavilda uses the money for her personal pleasure. Here goes the children’s money again! Glad even Mrs. Mavilda knows that she’s just repeating a scene over again. [Phelous] Finally, it’s actually Christmas time in this supposed Christmas movie, and we see a few flashing and light-up signs, which don’t make a lot of sense with what time period this seems to be. [Movie] Mrs. Mavilda! I have good news. [Phelous] “That gum you like is going to come back in style.” “Heeeee! EEEEEH! eeeh! eeeeeeeeeee!” “SHUT UP!!” [Movie] I’ve got enough money here to get the children new clothes. [Phelous] “Even though I should be spending it on that operation” “to make speaking no longer be painful for me!” [Movie] By the way, where’s Judy? OH! [Phelous] AGH! Thought he was gonna eat her there for a second. [Movie] Oh, Mrs. Kendall. Good that you’re here. [Phelous] Don’t know how Old Mayor didn’t see Judy coming. Guess she was in the “off-screen” dimension. [Movie] I just gave Mrs. Mavilda the money there so she can buy new clothes for the children. [Phelous] “Of course it never seems that my money actually” “gets to the children, but I don’t care to look into things.” “I just like dropping off huge bags of money like a moron!” “How am I related to this guy?” “Wait, hey, cuz’, got any more money?” “You do owe Beauty some Christmas presents.” “Why not? I do have a couple more money bags with me for no reason!” “Ha ha! See ya, Mayor Sucker!” “What could that mean?” “Probably nothing. I’ll not look into it.” [Movie] Would you mind helping Mrs. Mavilda pick out some nice clothes? I’d be more than honored, Mr. Mayor. Good! [music from Manos: The Hands of Fate] [Movie] Frank? Mavilda. Do you feel lucky tonight? [Phelous] “I’m going to speak entirely through a laughing animation!” “Ha ha ha ha ha!” That’s not awkward AT ALL! Ha ha ha ha ha! [Movie] I can make some Christmas stockings to hang on the fireplace. What’s that? Don’t you know about Christmas stockings that you hang on the fireplace for Santa Claus to fill? You don’t? It’s easier to talk to kids if you don’t let them speak. [Movie] People go out and buy their Christmas tree. What’s that? A tree that’s like Mrs. Hopewell! [Phelous] Yeah, Christmas trees just like your replacement mother tree that’s living in the past over there in summer. They should make Ms. Hopewell their Christmas tree, though. Then we’d see some crying, sad little monsters! (Evil chuckle) sweet… [Movie] I guess you’ve never seen a Christmas tree before. Let’s roll, kids! I’m feeling lucky tonight! He’s not anybody’s grandpa. Thank you for that. [Movie] You know, Santa lets every good boy and girl make a wish for Christmas. [Phelous] “Can we wish to be in a better cartoon?” “You can, and then you’ll find out Santa isn’t real, you little tree loving loser.” [Movie] Santa Claus is everybody’s grandpa! Really? [Audio from Austin Powers 2] No, not really. I can’t back that up. [Movie] You lost, Mavilda! Let’s have another hand! I wish my little teddy– Hey guys! Pointless interruption! [Movie] HAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh, no. Well, you beat me. What do you think, Mavilda? [Phelous] Ah, five aces of hearts. A classic winning hand. “I have a slight suspicion” “you’ve been cheating us!” “There goes the children’s innocence! HAHAHAHA!” [movie] (awkardly) What a hangover! (imitating the weird delivery) What a good Christmas cartoon! [Movie] We’re not going to go shopping anymore. What? Why not? I don’t want the children playing outside anymore. You better make sure of that! Because you don’t want the mayor to see them without new clothes! Alright! Now you know! [Phelous] “But you’ve got to know one more thing, I’ve been glued to my bed!” “Uh…little help?” [Movie] This is going to break their hearts. Children? Come here, please. [Phelous] How did they hear you? Oh, well! Motion-y transition to the next scene! and now Judy’s eyes aren’t even gyrating the same as the rest of her body… …just in case you thought things couldn’t look any more awkward. [Movie] I have a job for you. What do you want? I have this girl who’s working for me now. I’ve got to do something to get her out of here before it’s too late! I told her that you have a package for me. I want you to place something valuable in her purse while she’s in your house, and then call the police. She’ll never make it back here! (Evil laugh) Then Mrs. Mavilda will get to watch over all the kids again instead having someone else do all the work! She really makes no sense. [Movie] That tree is still gonna cause me a lot of trouble. [Phelous] Yeah. It knows too much. [Wayne’s World clip] Extreme close-up! WHOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAA!!! WHOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! [Phelous] Uh, maybe not do an unnecessary zoom-in on your crap animation, especially when you can’t even track the eyes correctly. [Movie] I have to tell Mrs. Kendall! [Phelous] “Hey, Mrs. Kindle! The obviously evil woman is evil!” “I know you’re not alive, but please save the day! And give me a family!” “Oh, you’re just like that completely useless mother tree!” “HEEEEEEEE–oh, whatever.” [Movie] Let me say goodbye to the children. No, no, no. There’s no time for that. Mrs. Kendall, I need to tell you something. Tell Mrs. Mavilda. she can help you. “Even though I know she’s evil and steals all your money at this point,” (derp voice) “I THINK SHE’LL HELP YOU!” [Movie] (slowed down) Sheee caaan heeeeeelp yoooouuu (normal speed) She’s going to do it! Poor mommy! What are we gonna do, Pappy? [Phelous] “I don’t know, we could try actually acting, you little shit!” “I’d wather mommy die than give a good line read.” [Movie] And there’s nothing we could do to stop that mean witch! [Phelous] Well, besides cutting her in half. Guess the movie’s over! [Movie] I’ll teach you how to stay behind doors listening to other people’s conversations! You’re gonna teach them HOW to do that? I don’t know, I think the little girl should teach you, considering SHE didn’t blow her cover right away! [Movie] You can’t do that to my mother, you can’t! Shut up! We didn’t have any dinner! [Exact same clip edited in] Shut up! [Movie]…you’re going to cut Mrs. Hopewell down! [That same clip again] Shut up! [Movie] From now on, things are gonna be different around here. [Phelous] “Now, I’m going to be mean to you!” (cricket noises) “OH SHIT!” [Movie] The good times are all over! Ha ha…I wish. [Movie] What is the name of your friend out there? I’m cutting her down for fireWOOD! [Phelous] Who the hell is that? “Yeah, I sorta know what Mavilders looks like! Uh, close enough!” and why did she say “fire WOOOOD,” like someone who’s never heard of it before? [Movie] (slowed down) Firewoooooooood! (normal speed) (all gasp) [Clip from GoodTimes’ Beauty and the Beast] [Movie] (In a voice pitched up into an alien voice) What about your mother? She’s also in danger! (in a chipmunk voice) What the garbage is this chipmunk crap? I know you only have, like, three different kid voices, but this was not the way to go! [Movie] I don’t worry about my mother because I know she can defend herself. [Phelous] “She’s constantly dealing with false charges. She loves it!” “Almost as much as she loves breaking my spine!” [Movie] It’s gonna be a pretty lonely Christmas… (the same kid voice) I wish that my Christmas wish could be changed. [Phelous] OH! You DON’T have to chipmunk one of these two kids that have the same voice? Even though that was really awkward when the boy stopped talking, because it seems like you just stopped animating him until we cut to the girl, who’s…uh… [Movie] Santa, if you are listening, I want to change my wish. Santa, I wish somehow you could save Mrs. Hopewell. …praying to SANTA? You guys might have mixed up Christmas icons a little here. [Movie] Santa’s not gonna hear you. Nobody’s gonna hear you. Is he gonna murder her? [Movie] Look here in my book! It shows that we’re not far from his house! Where is his house? Right here! At the North Pole, but I don’t know where the North Pole is, do you? (BARK!) He knows where the North Pole is! (same chipmunk alien voice) He does? [Phelous] That’s not even the kid that’s supposed to be chipmunked! How do you manage to be this incompetent? [Movie] Pappy, you gotta go now! (like he doesn’t know what the words he’s saying even mean) What? Go where? [Phelous] “Hey! Should we do another take? That didn’t sound like the boy even remotely knew what he was saying!” “No. Perfect!” [Movie] Why me? (in a totally different, but not unfamiliar, voice) Why? No time for questions! What? That’s just the Mrs. Mavilda voice! (frustrated screaming behind hands) [Phelous] So seriously, they’re sending this little shitter off in a sled to go change their holiday wishes with Santa in person. Not to try and save his mother, and not to the mayor’s house to try and save the tree, which are both things that they pointlessly discuss in this endless scene, nah, they’ve got to choose the dumbest of all plans! Oh, and they’re following the star of Bethlehem to SANTA. [Movie] We got a bad accident here, ma’am You’re not gonna be able to get through. But I must get through. I have– I’m sorry, but you got to turn around and go back. (deadpan) Merry Christmas, ma’am. [Phelous] Mmmmmm, that’s some good unintentional sarcasm there, movie. Unless you really wanted his “merry Christmas” to sound like “go blow yourself.” And, uh… Yeah, that’s the end of the “Who Framed Mrs. Useless” subplot. Glad we wrapped that up before we really started it. [Movie] How did you get that? I just went to the kitchen. And Mrs. Mavilda didn’t catch you? (mumbled, slurred, and unnaturally) Not when you go through the wiiiiin…dow. Oh, her English is coming along, don’tcha think? [Phelous] This might be a little ironic if Judy’s little brats were going off to try and save her like I thought they were the first time I watched this because I tuned out during that “kids won’t shut the hell up” scene, but, as her kids are just off on the moronic Santa quest, clearly this is just some Darwinism in action. Well, at least it would be if this bear actually killed them. Unfortunately, instead of the brats getting what they deserve Licorice goes all “Benji the Hunted” on the bear. [Movie] I missed you all so much. Where’s Lily and Pappy? [Phelous] Wait, seriously? Her little brat’s name is Pappy? [Clip from Howling: New Moon Rising] Pappy, come on down! (singing) I say stand up! Have you ever been there? C’mon, now, Stand up! Tell us all about it! Stand up! Have you ever been there? Stand up! Testifyyyyyyyyyyy!!! (backup singers) Testifyyyyyyyyyy! [Movie] Lily, Pappy, and Licorice went to the North pole. I don’t understand. They have to find Santa Claus before he leaves for Christmas! [Exact same clip] I don’t understand. [Movie] He has the help us save Mrs. Hopewell. [That same clip again] I don’t understand. [Movie] Mrs. Mavilda wants to cut down Mrs. Hopewell. [Yet again] I don’t understand. [Movie] I don’t want you or Lily or Pappy to go. [Last time] I don’t understand. No one does at this point! [Movie] YOUUUU! You are the responsible one for all of this! [Phelous] “I’ve been watching how human faces move for years!” “I replicate it well, don’t I?” “No.” “OH, BOY!” “What year if I leapt into now, Paige?” “I don’t know!” “Oh.” [Movie] You’re FIRED!!! I don’t want to see your face another minute! GET OOOUUT!! Glad she didn’t just do that in the first place instead of the whole framing scheme. That would have only saved time. [Movie] Do you still have that electric chainsaw of yours? [Phelous] Seen here: NOT an electric chainsaw. [Movie] These children are gonna have their best Christmas present yet! [mangling and blood splattering noises] [Phelous] Mrs. Judy Useless then decides risking the children’s lives to save a tree is worth it, because absolutely everyone in the scene needs to be as ridiculous as possible. [Movie] What is the meaning of this? [Phelous] “It’s winter over you are, but not over here!” [Movie] Show them the saw! [Audio clip from earlier] Ah, they really are getting along. [Movie] Mommy! Mommy! [Phelous] “She abandoned her post! Cut it!” [credit music] [Movie] But where’s Lily? Where is she? She’s gone! Tell me, son. What happened to Lily? [Phelous] (robot voice) “That’s right.” “Suddenly I’m here for some reason.” She fell from the cliff Mommy Daddy! [Phelous] “How tragic. At least I will cherish my fond memories of her” “until I need to clear my hard drive space for more useful data.” [Movie] Why did you do a crazy thing like that? We had to do something before Mrs. Mavilda cut down Mrs. Hopewell. (several kids talking at once) Shh! Wait a second! One at a time! Why don’t you explain all this to me? [Phelous] “It’s really not that hard to get, cuz’.” “I would say you were completely useless now,” “but…” “Uh…Beauty could use a new pair of shoes.” “Oh, of course!” “Take this money that I was actually personally going to make sure went to the children this time!” “You suck, cuz’!” [Movie] Mrs. Hopewell is this pine tree, a tree that has become important for the children. [Phelous] “Well, in that case,” “I’m glad none of my money actually got to these kids. It would only have been a waste!” (creepy music) [Movie] You know, Mr. Mayor, the children felt very lonely without a grown-up around to give them love and guide them through their difficult times. That’s why they created an imaginary friend, someone they could talk to. [Phelous] “Why weren’t you someone they could talk to?” “UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHH…….” [Movie] Wait a minute. [Phelous] “Why did my glasses disappear when I looked up?” [Movie] Look at them! They look like they haven’t had new clothes in years! If only you’d actually bothered to look at the kids one of these “years.” This is also on you, you unobservant jackass! [Movie] What if the inspector were to come? [Phelous] The child inspector? Well, if there is one, they’re a few years too late. Glad to know it’s not actually that the Mayor feels bad for the kids, too. It’s just he wants to save his own ass. “Yes, typical politician.” (voice from off-screen) “Dad! Help! An apple got me!” “SHUT UP, BEAUTY!” [Movie] Mr. Mayor, tell her not to cut Mrs. Hopewell. Mrs. Hopewell is going to be all right That’s what you think! [Phelous] “Ruining the stupid children’s lives is worth more to me than the money!” “I make logic my bitch!” [Movie] OH, NOOOO! OH, YEAH!! [Phelous] (as Kool-Aid man) “Oops.” [Movie] Seize that woman! What happened? HO HO HO! Divine intervention from SANTA! That just happened! [Phelous] If you wanted any further proof they didn’t know the difference between Jesus and Santa, There you go! Maybe Noel and The Christmas Tree made a trade so both movies could be a little extra confusing. Whatever. Glad Santa, god of thunder, loves to rain down electric death from above. And to prove he’s a god, he’s not bound by the boundaries of the background. [Movie] Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas, everybody! [Phelous] “Anyway, to make a long story short, Santa killed them.” [Movie] Mommy! Oh, Lily. I’m so glad to see you! He missed you, too. Look! Oh. It’s Santa, and he’s using his divine powers all over the place. Whatever. Look! A teddy! [Phelous] What a vision he is. Please don’t show that. It’s fright-sgusting! Santa also shows off his clothing beam that he learned by training with Piccolo, then proceeds to clog up everyone’s chimneys and kill them all with fire or smoke inhalation, whatever gets ’em first. [Movie] Attention, everybody! This tree here, I declare it part of city property! (clapping and cheering) [Movie] Judy, I offer you the job of being in charge of the orphanage. Oh, Mr. Mayor, I would be more than honored. Wait a minute! You can’t take this job, because you’ll be busy helping me raise nine children. Nine children? (2+5=9) (???) But Ray, we only have two children! [Phelous] Smooth move, robot. She could have gotten paid for the job, now it’s just gonna cost ya! And any new kids that come in are S.O.L, I guess. Hope you made bundles at Lumber Camp. “We’ll have all the money” “we need with my one last haul.” “I seem to have upset our new children.” “I feel nothing.” Now, I’d love to say that Santa had actually murdered Mavilda with lightning, but then the movie tacks on this ultra-ridiculous combo as Judy and Mavilders kiss and make up. [Movie] Mrs. Mavilda, she’s going to be alright. She went back to work in the orphanage as Judy’s assistant! There was no actual redemption for that character. She just got away with all her horrible deeds, but oh, she survived a Santa thrown lightning bolt, so let her abuse the kids again! Why not? [Movie] Well, don’t worry about Mrs. Mavilda. She’s good now. She learned that you always win when you are good. (fake cough) BULLSHIT! What a terrible lesson! But I suppose it is the perfect way to cap off a terrible movie! ha ha…wow. Ho ho ho…Phelous… Don’t worry about him. He’s good now. Ho ho ho! Anyone else want to go on the nice list? (Outtro music) (sniff) Huh, smells like presents in the chimney. Thanks, Santa! Ho ho ho! No problem, ho ho ho! (coughing and ho-ho-hoing) Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho… Ho ho ho ho ho ho… (heavy breathing) Ho ho… Holy shit!

100 thoughts on “The Christmas Tree – Phelous

  1. Why is the girl (who was appearantly killed by sledride interrupting bear) in the shot at 28:04 before Santa Christ brought the replacement clone?
    And what did this movie do to my head?

  2. The other day, I saw this in the DVD aisle at my local pawn shop, and I didn't know who to feel the most sorry for – the pawn shop for buying it, or the person who bought it in the first place.

  3. Apparently we haven't scratched the surface when it comes to St. Nick and the Ice Cream Bunny. That movie was shit!

  4. What if……………old mayor was actually……..OLD MAN HIMSELF?! think about it. They both look almost the same, and they both love money. Something to think about.

  5. This is my first Phelous video and I gotta say. Does he always sound like an alcoholic Ray Romano? I mean it was a good video, but I’m just saying.

  6. Tfw when you realize Good Times is to Phelous what Ljn is to AVGN.
    Wow, that’s such an obvious statement. I just had to say it for the people who are too dumb to figure it out for themselves.

  7. Just found a DVD of this fick today at Goodwill for 2 bucks! Was an instantaneous spontaneous purchase upon my person! My girlfriend, who I was there shopping with, was like, "I have never heard of that movie. Is it any good?" My reply, "Oh, just wait…"

    As you said, Phelous, after viewing it, she honestly didn't think is was, "the worst special ever in history." This was after explaining the notoriety it gets on Youtube for being, "The worst Christmas special ever of all time." Its thoroughly enjoyable on a, "so bad it's good," level. Unlike something like the, "Star Wars Holiday Special," which actually holds the title of the worst ever for me.

    Too bad there is no hope of ever finding a copy of, "Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa," out there in the wild!

  8. 0:09 – Looks at the front cover, shows the back cover, then the DVD has magically turned around.

    (Also the Mario hat falls off of the Starman when he does the MEEEEEEE!")

    0 out of 10! Worst Phelous video ever!

    I don't like this series, the guy who hosts sounds silly
    Wabuu is last-rate! That Old Man needs a break!
    Phelure sure let me down! I don't need you a-round!
    Rewatch FIVE ACROSS THE EYES as Mikey runs along with pies!

  9. The man would have to work at the lumber mill AS A SAW BLADE. Whoa! Mavilda getting fried by lightning was a lot better than my idea of having Mrs. Hopewell strangle her somehow.. aw damn she lived.

  10. 18:39 "Now I going to be MEAN to you!"
    cricket chirps
    "OH SHOCK!!" Crockett firebombs her face.
    Gets me every time! XD

  11. The orphans have created a cult around their pine tree god already in the first five minutes. This is gonna be a strange one.

  12. You'd think this would take place during the 30s due to the financial downfall of the Kindles…but then we see one of Mrs Mavilda's cronies has a TV set!

  13. Papi come on down here. Stand up, stand up come on everybody, standup, testify , testifffffyyyyyyyyy

  14. 0:19 The star with the cap is suddenly just falling from the shelf. Looks like your room is haunted. And the ghost doesn't like this movie either.

  15. The adult voice actors were more wooden than Mrs Hopewell and the child voice actors had marbles in their mouths

  16. 0:17 that mario star in the background tried to commit suicide before it could sit through thid god awful movie lol! and beore old man could call him completely useless xD

  17. The worst part about the designs are those lines on the children' mouths! Are they supposed to look middle aged!?

  18. 2:26 I seen FHE when I seen a Christmas movie about a bear who had a smile sown upside down. And yet I was born in 2001… And I was acquainted to VHSes at that time .3.

  19. @02:17 Hey! That's The VHS Cover That I Scanned For's Website And I Posted To This Site The Same Year When You Did This Review.

  20. Is everyone going blind in this movie or something!? What's with all the milky white corneas everyone has?

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