The Santa Clause doesn’t make any sense…

The Santa Clause doesn’t make any sense…

You know, there’s a lot of iconic Christmas movies out there that shaped our childhoods. But one that always stuck with me ever since I saw it when I was a kid was The Santa Clause, starring Tim Allen and that one guy from the gremlins, among other things. Now, I haven’t seen this since I was a kid, and since it’s the winter holiday season and everything, I thought I would go back and check it out. I mean, sure it came out in the ’90s, and it’s probably a little campy, but it can’t be all that bad. Right? So come along with me everybody, and let’s watch The Santa Clause. The movie starts out with Scott Calvin attending his company’s annual Christmas party. Now, this year, they’re celebrating this monstrosity. Eeeee Now the big boss dude calls up Scott to give a little speech about their successful year. Scott Calvin: In all seriousness, here at B and R Toys we’re not just about making a profit in quality toys. S.C.: We’re also about families. But our families aren’t here with us right now. S.C.: Which’s probably why Johnson’s secretary is sitting in his lap. Heh heh heh Oh boy, the ’90s were a different time, now, weren’t they? Yeah, you know, for a variety of reasons, this movie has an aged very well. After the party Scott heads home to catch his ex-wife, her new dude friend Neil, and their son Charlie. And, needless to say, Scott isn’t really much of a fan of Neil. Laura Miller: Neil’s waiting in the car so… S.C.: Why doesn’t he come in? Charlie: ‘Cause, dad, he says you’ll just end up saying something snotty. S.C.: Not Necessarily. Could be rude or sarcastic. Whatever it takes. Laura: See? I gotta go. You ever noticed that Tim Allen is exactly the same character in every movie or TV show he’s ever been in? Home Improvement? He’s a sarcastic man’s man. The Santa Clause? A sarcastic man’s man. Last Man Standing? Sarcastic man’s man. I mean, talk about acting range, huh? Going inside, we learned this very shocking news about Neil: Charlie: There aren’t that many presents over there. S.C.: Well, that’s because Santa isn’t here yet. Charlie: Neil doesn’t believe in Santa. Oh, I say! What a monster! Now, Neil is outside, honking his horn, because his gloves don’t fit or something, and Scott asks his ex-wife why Neil would dare tell Charlie there’s no Santa. Laura: I just want to… S.C.: Did you tell Charlie there was no Santa Claus? Laura: What? No! Oh, Charlie came home from school the other day In tears because some big kid told him there was no such thing as Santa. Laura: And, you know, Neil, well, he sat him down and… S.C.: He told him that there was a Santa Claus? Laura: Well, all he said was that Santa was more like a feeling. You know, I wanted to give Neil the benefit of the doubt here. But Santa Claus is a feeling?! What the heck does that even mean?! Charlie overhears them fighting and tries to put a stop to it. S.C.: I swear we’re not fighting. It’s your mom singing, sounds a lot like fighting doesn’t it? Cats even! [cat fighting noise] S.C.: The trouble is, Neil and your mom, they don’t believe in Santa, because they were real naughty. Heheh If you know what I’m sayin’. I don’t know. It seems kind of babyish to believe in that kind of stuff. Yeah, says the five world wearing flannel! What is-is this kid five? Is he 50? Who knows! Anyway, Scott tries to cook a nice Christmas dinner for Charlie, but zany antics ensue when they end up at their local Denny’s with all the other sad single fathers who don’t know how to read a recipe, I guess. After they head home, Scott reads Charlie The Night Before Christmas before he goes to sleep. Charlie: What’s that? S.C.: What’s what? Charlie: Arose such a clatter? Shut up Charlie. Charlie: How do reindeer fly? They don’t have any wings. S.C.: Fairy Dust. Charlie: That’s from Peter Pan dad. S.C.: Horns. Charlie: Antlers. S.C.: Whatever. Their, uh, antlers give them, you know, th-th-there’s a slipstream effect. The air goes… th-they move fast… they’re weightless! Charlie: But, if Santa’s so fat, how does he get down the chimneys? Charlie, I swear, if you don’t shut up I’m gonna… To get Charlie to shut up, Scott delivers this uncharacteristic piece of advice: S.C.: Charlie, sometimes believing in something means you… it means you just believe in it. Yeah, you know, sometimes you just got to have hope and believe in stuff that’s not real. Like Santa Claus or getting out of the friend zone. But that night, after everyone’s gone to sleep, Charlie wakes up to hear somebody on the roof. S.C.: Somebody’s on the roof. Hey, thanks Dora the Explorer! Scott goes out to investigate the noise, and wouldn’t you know, it’s Santa Claus! Who, startled by Scott, slips and falls off the roof. Charlie: It is Santa! You killed him! Oh the humanity! After a magic ladder appears, Charlie climbs up, leaving Scott to grab the dead Santa’s pants. You know, like you do. S.C.: Whoa! This guy was huge! Oh, I don’t know about that You can find like 20 people bigger at any Walmart across the country after getting into the sleigh Scott and Charlie are swept up by The reindeer and land on the next house to deliver the presents, but as you can imagine Scott isn’t too thrilled about the whole thing And do what? Go down the chimney Down the chimney not me take the toys down the chimney into a strange house in my underwear I mean hey, it’s the 90s anything goes apparently now Charlie who is somehow Just completely not fazed at all by this Really wants his dad to go down into the house and be Santa Claus, but Scott just doesn’t have it You don’t we’re gonna. Do is we’re gonna get out of here because this whole thing is stupid Okay Stupid yeah What the heck dad you won’t put on a dead stranger clothes and go play with a bunch of wild animals and sneak into someone’s house and leave a mystery gift out of the tree Political correctness get out of control, but finally he relents and puts on the dead Santa’s clothes and flies up to the chimney It’s okay I’m used to it look through the 6000k that’s actually pretty funny after nearly being mauled to death by the family dog he slips back out the chimney and on to the Next house where we get this scene You have got to be kidding Look at the size of this thing Finally after delivering all the presents which I guess there was only like two houses left or whatever they fly off into the night and then this happens You know just thinking about the logistics of how there was a puppy just sitting in this empty void inside the bag and Charlie pulls him out into life, and and and no one’s the least bit concerned here I mean, this is really freaky if you think about it But whatever the reindeer takes gotten charlie to the North Pole where they meet this kid hey? Hey, buddy you Okay, what is this post? After going inside the North Pole headquarters or whatever they meet Bernard the head elf, it’s causing all the trouble around here. Yes Excuse me are we on a coffee break. We don’t drink coffee, then I guess the break is over now I don’t mean to be rude or anything here. I mean kids follow your dreams. Do whatever you want That’s fine But I don’t know having the head Christmas elf be a little Jewish kid Seems a little weird like no one thought this was off or anything I don’t know Maybe I just think too much Scott still having no idea what’s going on gets into a little verbal disagreement with Bernard Wait a minute hey, I know where this is going it wasn’t my fault The other guy fell it was an accident. I’ve got homeowners insurance and a good attorney Not as good as my wife’s, but let’s not open up that wound Yes guy clearly you moved on and definitely not bitter about it Charlie follows them down the hall and Bernard in an attempt to just shut him up. I guess gives him a snowglobe hold out your hand all right Now be very careful. This is very old just like me Why don’t you want to hold onto it for me for a while you might come in handy I mean kid hey whoa it’s just a snow globe, but it’s like chill all right We got like a thousand of these in the bag now here. We get a look at Santa’s workshop Where all the elves build the toys that go into Santa’s magic bag? But let’s just put all that aside for a second so to understand the world of building going on here all the toys that are In Santa’s bag come from this workshop right so earlier when Charlie pulled out a real dog from the bag I guess which by the way means that he stole it from some other kids So good job on that Charlie does that mean that these elves built the dog these these kids sorry else They’re just doing some kind of voodoo necromancy stuff, and that’s not the focus of the entire movie I mean that’s a missed opportunity right there Bernard and Scott continued to fight and Scott hits him hard with a critical strike anyway Don’t buy into this Santa Claus thing. What if I choose not to believe it? Then there would be millions of disappointed children around the world Who wouldn’t want to be responsible for killing the spirit of Christmas now, would you? Santé I mean I did until you just said that right now well This is awkward finally conceding his defeat and realizing that this is all just a dream anyway scott takes charlie And they follow judy into the grand the santa penthouse suite, which sounds really weird to say out loud but I’m just gonna run with it I Brought you some vodka Thanks my own recipe Took me twelve hundred years to get it right Think that’s bad you ever tried to make it an animation of any one YouTube anyway before turning in for the night Scott and Judy Have a little heart-to-heart talk twelve hundred years. That’s right You know I must say I look pretty good for your age, thanks Good This is really good Hi extra chocolate Shaken not stirred. You know I appreciate the effort that went into this and everything But if that’s all you got after 1,200 years I think we need to work on some time management skills I right Judy the next day Scott wakes up back in his own bed Back in his own house and naturally he’s a bit confused was it real was it a dream is he dreaming now who knows Charlie’s mom shows it like she said she would and wonders where Scott got his snazzy new pajamas I Don’t know Judy really okay well, let’s just back up the sass a little bit here Okay You’re literally living with another dude and having to forbid your ex gets their life together without you huh just get out of here with That attitude now later Charlie heads back to school and apparently there’s a career day thingy Where all the parents show up and talk about their exciting jobs that I guarantee these kids don’t care anything about so remember kids There is nothing more painful than third-degree burns Well, thank you firemen O’Hara, and I think the whole class will join me insane Sorry about your part Hey, what what a Greg good old wholesome kids movie huh foods for happy times Charlie tries to tell everyone that his dad really? Is Santa Claus and shockingly no one really believes him the kids in the class erupted into discussing Santa Claus lor? Do you make the ties no stupid the elves do what is this Comic Con and the whole class gets in disarray? Ending with all the main adults landing in the principal’s office Now to clear all this up Scott tells everyone what really happened Christmas Eve night What was the last thing you and Charlie did before you went to bed Christmas Eve? We shared a bowl of sugar? There’s some shots of brown liquor. I have my shotguns filled restack at Look for women Father of the year to me scott takes Charlie out to set him straight about the whole not being Santa Claus thing But Charlie is just not having it. I know what you are dad You know so deaq kill her later or maybe the next day It’s not really clear Charlie’s mom finds him playing pretend Santa while listening to Night Court remixes of Christmas songs in his room and gives us this look to show how disturbed and concerned she Is for her little boy, you know because heaven forbid your kid has imagination and plays in his room I mean it was just unacceptable Scott shows up again for some reason looking for Charlie Where is he Valley could be in his room jumping up and down on his bed wearing a red hat and galoshes I don’t care what Neil’s doing meanwhile Neil was trying to convince Charlie that he should stop playing around and having fun and instead should live in a constant state of Nihilist existential crises like adults do Charlie. It’s just not logical How can one man in one night? Visit all the children of the world okay? Here’s a better question Neil how can one man in one lifetime? Acquire so many ugly sweaters hmm answer that one Scott take Charlie out again I don’t know if he’s is trying to get his Fitbit numbers up Or what and asks him to keep the whole Santa Clause thing a secret like between two people Yes like a secret, let’s keep a secret how come Because of mom and Neal Not just because of them their school everybody thinks that’s not important what they think That is five bucks Ani hey how to raise a child 101 if all else fails Just give them money the next day Scott wakes up to a rather unpleasant surprise Okay, let me tell you I went through the same thing when I hit my late 20s All right one day you go to sleep with six pack abs and a phone full of random girls numbers And you wake up the next morning with a sagging gut in a mortgage So trot the scale yeah There is if you look like that you’re coming up 192 like what did you lose a leg in Vietnam or something all in a panic? Scott is late to work and barely makes it to it’s lunchtime sales pitch meeting and as you can imagine People are a little concerned with his body changes The meeting is a disaster Scott doesn’t know what to do with himself or his new physique So he heads to the doctor to figure out what’s going on, okay? Weight can fluctuate from your ear fluctuate you make it sound like a routine on water I’ve gained 45 pounds in a week Yeah, I had a breakup like that once that was it that was dark times after trying to explain the extreme changes He was going through his genius of a doctor finally has it all figured out Pete. What’s happening to me What’s your diet like smoking cookies really, but I don’t finish all the milk well, then there is your problem Just try to cut back on the sweets, okay Can you believe I went to six years of medical school for this check out my handwriting I mean, I can’t even read it look at my hair. It’s turning gray oh
it’s middle-aged buddy it happens and With that body you should be thankful you have hair you ever just want to punch a doctor in the face But you know this doctor sure is calm about all this I mean I looked up all these symptoms on WebMD and apparently I have at least three types of cancer so can we cut the Jokes, huh coming to no definitive conclusion Scott goes out to watch Charley’s soccer game He’s sitting on the bench minding his own business when this happens boy You know you can really tell this was made in the 90s because then this scene happened today Scott would have been tackled by at least two police officers and like 12 moms at the park when his ex-wife catches sight of him And his Santa Claus cosplay. She starts getting a little concerned about what might be really going on he’s got it I really have to tell you that this is beginning to scare me. I never in my wildest Well know okay, maybe my wildest, but certainly never in my normal dreams. I Never thought you would stoop to changing your physical appearance Charlie like you hey, I ain’t change her for nobody After this Scot receives a bunch of mysterious packages in the mail that turned out to be the list of who’s good and who’s bad But you know the most unrealistic thing about this Movie is the fact that FedEx Actually delivered the packages and didn’t just like throw half of them randomly around his lawn and drive off with the other half You know cuz why not you know just like their company slogan Federal Express With everything going on with Scott and Charlie and the whole North Pole thing they start thinking that maybe Charlie shouldn’t spend so much time Around is dead at all so they filed with the judge and meet up at the court We’re beginning a little backstory about their thoughts on Christmas. Oh come on Laura. Don’t you remember when you stopped believing in Santa Claus? Oh my god dozens of presents oh, I got everything Mystery date well who knew you could be so emotionally attached to board games huh, I mean good thing She’d ever played Monopoly, or this movie would never be over and of course Neil has to chime in too. I was three and It was an Oscar Mayer wienie whistle Christmas came no wienie whistle And that’s when I stopped believing and that explains Literally everything we need to know about this character Charlie talks to the judge who decides that he should not be able to see his Dad anymore because they’re just having too much fun, you know? Okay, can we just decompress all this for a second? This kid, this little kid is like what? Third grade or whatever He believes his dad is Santa Claus and that they had this crazy night of the North Pole and stuff right a little kid with Divorced parents has a positive relationship with his dad and gosh darn, that’s just not gonna happen under my watch I mean kids grow up believing all kinds of stuff their parents tell them like my mom’s a Superhero or my dad’s gonna come back from buying cigarettes one day. You know it’s typical stuff like how Neal’s always liked it Charlie You’re delusional Literally every kid is delusional geez sorry I don’t spend all my time looking for Sweaters at every thrift shop in town Scott tries to convince Charlie that this was indeed all a dream And then he’s not in fact, Santa Claus, but Charlie has solid concrete proof that it was all real “Charlie he’s not Santa” “He is too Santa We went to the North Pole together I saw it! The Elves are real old, even though they look like me Bernard called me Sport cause he knew everything” That’s a really low bar there pal. Charlie throws the snow globe at Scot who suddenly remembers that he is in fact Santa Claus and steals Charlie away back to the North Pole. Now as you can imagine Charlie Just suddenly disappearing causes a bit of a concern and they call the police who set a trap on Christmas Eve night to catch Scott When he sneaks back into the house to deliver Presents which to be fair does sound a little weird now that I say it out loud But here we are Scott goes out to deliver presents once again to all the houses He nearly destroyed last year, but when he goes to Charlie’s house He falls into the trap and the police catch him and drag him off to jail when the North Pole catches wind of this they Released the secret spy elves called the e LFS because we’re very clever who find Charlie just hanging out on the roof Charlie Yeah, don’t worry. We’re the good guys. You know this kid always annoyed me Just the way he has that smirk, and he’s always like don’t worry We’re the good guys. You know like there was always that one kid like in every class And he just was always like the meanest kid Please don’t watch this place Yeah, there probably are But you see one figuring on walking out the front door I swear This movie’s giving me some kind of like elementary school PTSD or something anyway They break into jail and rescue Scott and we’re all reminded that this is in fact a kids movie and not just a movie about A sad divorced dad trying to piece his life back together So in the end Charlie’s mom realizes that Scott really is Santa Claus And she throws the custody papers in the fire you know last time I checked burning signed legal documents doesn’t just change the law I mean it’s a nice gesture and everything like I get it But I mean I tried that once with a parking ticket, and I just ended up with a bigger parking ticket So not recommended during this whole time Neal is in the back stuffing grass into pita bread I mean I get the whole vegan thing, but filling Peter bed with grass just seems a little bit extreme But what do I know? And then when everyone finds out Scott really is Santa the police call off the investigation and just accept everything and everybody goes home No more questions asked so this movies kind of weird It’s supposed to be like a family movie like for kids or whatever but like 90% of the movie is basically one long custody battle and inner fighting between a guy and his ex-wife’s new boyfriend and then Just turns into Roger Rabbit for five minutes or something it just doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense I still don’t really get what this trying to say or accomplish or anything I don’t know Maybe I’m just old now and life has left me bitter and empty inside or something But when I was a kid this movie was my jam But I wouldn’t recommend you check it out now unless you really want to be reminded that the 90s were kind of weird Hey, everybody. Thanks so much watching this video. You know the 90s was a weird time. Let’s all be honest here You know I was a kid of the 90s and going back and watching like the old TV shows old movies whatever from the 90s From when I was a kid, you know it’s like in your head. It’s like oh what this was great I loved it when I was a kid, and then you go, and you watch it again And you’re like what the heck is this Why did I ever watch this and going back and watching The Santa Clause for this video? I was reminded of how like some things really don’t age well and some things like when you’re a kid You just kind of skip over the details and you’re like oh, it’s fun and colorful, and what everybody watch back in adult You’re just like this was the thing that adults made But anyway as you can imagine this video took a pretty long time to make so I hope you enjoyed it hope you share it around with your friends and all that cuz you know it took took a long time to make this video and You know fingers crossed. It’s not gonna get copyright claim to our Content ID or anything in the meantime anybody Thanks so much for watching You know don’t forget to subscribe and tell all your friends and everything following me on Twitter messaged me on Twitter I like to respond to as many as I can anyway. Thanks so much and I’ll see you all next time

100 thoughts on “The Santa Clause doesn’t make any sense…

  1. 9:12 turn captions on.
    “Brought you some coco”.
    Reads out as
    “brought you some vodka”!
    Hahaha I bet ol’ SC was wishing he had vodka about now ?

  2. “There is nothing more painful than 3 degree burns” ….uhhhhh….why didn’t he cover that false statement? ? it’s not painful if all layers of your skin and nerves are destroyed ? ??‍♀️

  3. the thing about Christmas movies that are about Santa that makes absolutely no sense is how none of the parents believe in Santa yet there not like how in the fuck did these random presents get under the tree

  4. I was in the hospital for the entire month of December and with just a few channels to choose from, The Santa Clause was on. Every. Single. Day.
    Here I was, on the cancer floor of the hospital, with tubes stuck all over me and the choice of a talk show, or The Santa Clause.
    I have seen hell.
    Maybe I'm just old now, too. (We're the same age)

  5. I remember watching this as a kid… we had it on VHS.
    I recall thinking it was boring and thinking about how badly Tim Allen SUCKS.

  6. I'm always so upset to hear these ungrateful adilts complain about the one thing they never got as children like dude.. Get the fuck over it. I never really believed santa brought presents to people cause I knew my mom and dad bought them. Also, I never expected to get everything I wanted cause it never actually mattered.

  7. So everyone is gonna forget that Scott killed Santa took his place and everything is happy this movie is dark

  8. when your mom loves the Santa Claus franchise so much she makes you watch it every year for Christmas and you enjoy it more and more

  9. Every year, I'm such a good boy
    I put out milk and cookies for that guy to enjoy
    But Santa never brings the right toy
    I started giving up on all this holiday joy
    But this Christmas gonna be special to me
    I ain't gonna ask for a car with a key
    I ain't gonna write to Santa asking him please
    Because what I want for Christmas can't fit under the tree
    I wanna be Santa Claus
    So I'm gonna kill Santa Claus
    When I hear those reindeer paws
    I'm gonna break the law
    This Christmas
    Ain't got a wish list
    Just got a hit list
    And at the top of it is old Saint Nicholas
    Nothing against him
    It's just business
    I ain't the Grinch but I'm gonna steal Christmas

    I wrote that you out
    From MEMORY
    Some other Greg appreciate my effort

  10. “I was 3 when I stopped believing in Santa”

    Wait you remembered what you wanted for Christmas when you were three?

  11. I never get how it’s possible for parents to not believe in Santa in a world where Santa actually exists, like how do you explain the Christmas presents your kid is getting from nobody

  12. This truly is my favorite Christmas movie? not too cheesy (less cheesy than most Christmas movies). It has such a classy Christmas feel, and an amazing soundtrack. It is a little weird, but it brings back such good memories for me?. I enjoy your videos!

  13. Funny that it's an issue because Charlie's dad is Santa Claus. I didn't find out that my dad was Santa Claus until I was much older then Charlie!

  14. Well, that’s why the mom, and step dad didn’t get anything for Christmas. They are both a bunch of greedy little fuckers, and they are assholes to boot. Who gets in a kids face, to crush their hopes, and dreams? Those two assholes lol.

  15. Santa Claus is high key the best christmas movie because it dealt with the very real reality of the holidays in a broken home which millions of kids experienced. It peppered in some cheesieness. The custody battle part was not weird to any kid who had to deal with that.

  16. Now you are funny and that's the only reason I kept watching. But for Christmas Movies, I loved the Santa Claus trilogy. I have 3 movies I watch with my kids every year. My wife hates them every year too.
    1. National Lampoon's Christmas
    2. Elf with that Will guy. Lol
    3. The Santa Claus.
    So I'm definitely going to be a subscriber of your channel. Lol. Have a great Thanksgiving and Christmas

  17. You know this is why socialism sucks! It sounds all noble to pay for a single mom having to raise a kid, but you incourage this kind of behavior where the mom woman divorces the man coz she knows govermnent will pick up the bill… and then we get the distorted famlie divorces of our generation which didnt happen before as the woman didnt dare to leave coz no one else would provide for her. Kind of sad they need to fuck up a movie with it

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