Things Goths NEVER Say | Black Friday


*Cliché Goth sounding guitar* Ugh, too much
reverb! You know, I think Andrew Eldritch is a cool guy with a really charismatic personality,
who just happens to write really shitty music. Oh, emo/goth tomato/tomato. No no no don’t
put those in there, I’m doing my whites. *Dance Magic Dance plays* Oh my God, you’re watching
that again? Look, I’ve never liked Labyrinth, I can’t stand David Bowie!
You know the thing I admire most about the Punks is their commitment to hygiene. Like
what was Siouxsie Sioux thinking with that eyeliner? Glad that never took off. Oh no,
Joy Division were totally a nazi band. Man, we should buy some capes! What’s with this
band? They should get a real drummer. Hey! Clove cigarettes are way worse for you than
normal cigarettes, and they smell like shit. You know, I think this mainstream media portrayal
of the Gothic subculture is really bang on. $300 for boots? That’s just excessive. It’s
great how Stephanie Meyer writes such well-rounded, three-dimensional characters, and has such
a unique and compelling take on the vampire mythos. Yeah I think so.
Peter Murphy’s an ugly bastard. No, I don’t know anyone with mental health
issues. Won’t be long, I’m off to the tanning salon. Oh I’m not a vampire, I just got my
teeth made into fangs ironically. This’ll be fine, I’ll just wear the same outfit again.
Fuck I love drama! Secretly I hate it though. Wait… Bela Lugosi’s dead!?

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